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Monday, June 06, 2011

Politically Correct

I found this posting at The Town, one of my favorite writing community sites. I would have linked but I am not sure how to link a specific post for those who might not be members of the site, I hope its author will forgive me posting it in its entirety here. I haven't laughed this much in a long time.

The Do It Yourself Tutorial


         How to Sanitize the English Language
     Using Acceptable Gender Neutral Terminology

                      by me

                Phillip H. Antom

    in corroboration with the "NEWSPEAK" Society


The New Entimology of Word Structure and Pronouncement
                    for the
 Empathic Application of Multicultural Inclusivisity

PREFACE:  The example provided below illustrates the politically
correct method to convert a commonly used, but unacceptable term -
 "manerism" - into the improved and more acceptably gender
nuetralized derivation of this archaic word form - "organweedbody" -
through the sensitive substitution of word parts which do not convey
any offensively sexist intent or meaning.

Chapter 1:  We start with the word "mannerism", with its obviously
unacceptable gender component - "man".  The process of language
sensitivitization begins by replacing this insipid reference to a
specific sex with an acceptable, substitute syllabilization which
embraces all genders, not just the male counterpart:  the acceptably
gender neutral word component in this case is the term "Human".  Put
into this context, we have transmografied "mannerism" into a more
sensitized version of itself - "humannerism" - without destroying
its intended meaning.  This process of substitution continues until
all unacceptable, insensitive, and inappropriate word parts or
syllables are replaced by their appropriately correct gender neutral

Chapter 2:  Closer scrutiny reveals that "humannerism" also carries
its own sexist connotation via the reviled gender component "man" in
its second sylable.  Our first transformation is therefore
politically unacceptable for proper sensitivity in the more empathic
pronouncement of English language terms.  To avoid the tautology
posed by a second substitution of "human" in the context of
sensitivitization, we must seek out another replacement which
conveys a similar, but more gender neutral intent.  The
word "person" is the proper candidate for usage here, yielding a
second derivation for our example word in the form
of "hupersonnerism".

Chapter 3:  One would assume that the process of word
sensitivitization would be complete with this second derivative.  It
is not.  Albeit, a more subtle form of gender connotation, the
unacceptable word component "son" in "hupersonnerism" must be
corrected to a more properly gender neutral term, as well.
Since "child" conveys a universally non-gender specific meaning
within the basic context of the "son" syllable, it is the proper
choice for our third derivation of word sensitivity
transmografication as pertains to  the original, gender based
word "mannerism".  Our correctly sensitized version of "mannerism"
now becomes "huperchildnerism".

Chapter 4:  However, we have not yet absolved our derivative word
from the unforgivable sin of gender specific syllabilization or word
parts borrowed from other world languages.  In particular, the
English translation of the German pronoun "er" is quite gender
specific, if not openly and tutonically sexist - "he".  Proper non-
specific gender empathy demands that we eliminate all universal
hints of language sexism in the evolving sensitivity of our
derivative word.  A selection is readily available in the German
pronoun "es", meaning "it".  A more universally acceptable language
substitution  thus being made, "huperchildnerism" sensitively
evolves into the more wholistically gender neutral word form -

Chapter 5:  It stands as axiomatic in the process of language
sensitivitization that, whenever one acceptable correction is made
to one sylable or word part in any politically incorrect word
construction, another problem is likely to
arise.   "hupeschildnesism" is no exception, since the
syllable "schi" has the phonetic potential for pronouncement as
another gender specific pronoun "she".  As with "man", "son",
and "er", "hupeschildnesism" is not an acceptably gender neutral
derivation of "mannerism", either.  In this case, we shall replace
the "she" sounding syllable with its more neutral English language
counterpart "it", thus leaving us with "hupeitldnesism" as our
resulting derivative of the politically incorrect word form -

Chapter 6:  Even so, we are still not totally language sensitized
with this derivation of "mannerism".  Far be it from politically
correct NEWSPEAKers in their haute couture of flannel shirt and
burkenstock chic to employ any word component in our acceptably
sensitized lexicon of sanitized terminology which may be offensive
to anyone on the planet.  "Hupeitldnesism" illustrates this
possibility quite rhetorically by virtue of its word
component "pei", which active verb connotation may phonically offend
the more cloistered polite circles of a global  multicultural
society.  A quick reference to our compendium of medical terms
reveals a neutralized substitute that can be safely and
inoffensively applied to this situation.  The acceptable process of
word component substitution has therefore generated our next
derivation in the process of language sensitivity -

Chapter 7:  As of yet, this derivation of "mannerism" is not
completely devoid of insensitive word components, because it
contains a reference to an ethnic place of origin - "Crete".  To
maintain any such references to place-specific ethnicity or national
origins is not only improper, it presents a fundamental challenge to
the precept of politically correct sensitivity we are endeavoring to
achieve through the purposeful applilcation of NEWSPEAK
reeducation.  On this basis alone, it is imperative that we act
affirmatively to enfranchise all ethnic groups or nationalities via
the process of language sensitivitization in order to avoid any
misguided inference that our next derivation of the word "mannerism"
condones the discriminatory practice of favoring one place of origin
over another.  Thus, the politically correct and most universally
acceptable substition in this instance would have to be the
word "country" in lieu of the embedded word part "Crete".  What
derives from this exercise in reeducative language propriety is a
properly resensitized version that retains its connection to a place
of origin without any allusion to ethnicity or nationality -

Chapter 8:  However legitimate this last word substitution appears
at first glance, it is not itself acceptably sanitized of improper
sylabilization, yet alone sensitized to the most prevalent by-
product of new millennium world history, e.g. the transferance of
sovereign authority from diefied kingships to the self evident rule
of the common people, which in turn surrenders its constitutional
birthright to those governmental authorities empowered through the
collective will of the allegedly elected.  Likewise, the word
part "count", being a royal title, is a virtual anachronism for
these modern times and must be replaced with a term that is more
attuned to modern sociopolitical thought.  Although it can be argued
to the contrary, the best substitute for the purpose of universal
language sensitivity is "congress".  With "congress" meaningfully
interdicted to its rightful and appropriate sylabic place, language
sensitivity is now judiciaously applied to our next politically
correct generation of the word "mannerism" -

Chapter 9:  Realizing that an important objective of NEWSPEAK
reeducation is not to be judgemental or disparraging in our daily
use of the English language, proper word acceptability must be
evidenced in all selections for a word part replacement so that
acceptable levels of universal sensitivity can fortify the dignity
and character of those prone to antisocial behavior, as well.  In
this regard, retention of the word part "excon" will only serve to
subvert this laudable objective and will only perpetuate
stereotypical labels for these unfortunate victims of western
civilization's historically noninclusive socio-economic system.  A
more politically appropriate substitution comes in the
word "repatriated", which confers the positive imagry we
unquestionably wish to promote for enhancing the self esteme of
individuals with potentially low self esteme, especially for those
who have or are paying their debit to society no matter how many
times that installment has been overdue.  What evovles through the
edification of these principles in our NEWSPEAK derivation
of "mannerism" is "hurepatriatedgressrytldnesism".

Chapter 10:  For reasons alluded to already, ethnic names also
constitute an unacceptable predisposition for favoratism at best and
prejudicial intent at worst.  Such syllabilization therefore has no
place in our sensitively sanitized derivation of "mannerism".
Although it may be a unisex appellation, we must reluctantly
eliminate the syllable "pat" on this basis and substitute the
acceptably gender neutral descriptive term "name".  This ultimately
yields the acceptably reeducated
terminology "hurenameriatedgressrytldnesism", wherein the equally
repugnant gener component "rena" must likewise be replaced, yielding
yet another achievement in language sentitivitization -

Chapter 11:  As with royalty, titles of distinguished achievement or
selective honor which cannot be achieved by everyone are an especial
taboo if we are to aspire to the lowest common denominator in the
politically acceptable process of language sensitivitization.  Since
the word part "emer" (an abreviated form of "emeritus") is an
exlusive rank of ordination reserved to a privileged circle of
intellegencia and since this honor is never conferred upon any
intellectually subordinate levels of common society, it, too, falls
to the rules of compulsary elimination for the purpose of corrective
sensitivity.  The logic of semantics dictates a choice that would be
an abbreviated counterpart for "emer", in this case "ret",
meaning "retired".  So our next derivation of "mannerism" is now the
more politically acceptable - "hunamretiatedgressrytldnesism".

Chapter 12:  Intentional or not, references which infer a
predisposition to ethnic traits or characteristics   serve only one
purpose - to target a group for insult and mockery so that its
individual members can be deemed deserving of all the misfortune or
travail which befalls them.  Disparaging epithets based on national
origins are particularly inappropriate - as in "Hun".  They always
represent a disrespectful attitude towards the acknowledged
advantages of every urbane lifestyle made possible by our pluraistic
society.  There is no basis in fact to perpetuate the stereotype
imagry or racial profiling conveyed by any improprietous component
of our NEWSPEAKING derivative word.  As luck would have it, there
are several suitable replacements, but only one - "nomad" - seems
apropo to the acceptable process of language sensitivitization by
substitution.  Such an improvement provides for the next NEWSPEAK
generation of "mannerism", that
being "nomadamretiatedgressrytldnesism".

Chapter 13:  Properly placed sensitivity requires that we eliminate
all connotations to illicit practices and immoral behavior in order
to police the innocence of the sheltered mind or to uphold in our
multicultural mindset a pristine resolve, as historically
demonstrated by the incorrupt modesty of premodern times.  Too many
respectable terms of a bygone era have fallen to some subversive
form of retranslation, thereby perverting their original meaning.
The term "madam" suffers terribly from its modern annexation into a
dual meaning of honor or inuendo.  Yet, it is just one example of
the philological shizophrenia so readily contained in the every-day
English of modern society.  The remedy, however, is easy and right
in line with our goal of politically correct language
sensitivitization - to form yet another derivative that will
eliminate any prospect of an unintended meaning.   By
replacing "madam" with a more globally accepted neutral term that
does not evoke any sexist characterization of chattel, as in "ms".
This being done, "mannerism" now
becomes "nomsretiatedgressrytldnesism".

end part one

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