Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
I found this posting at The Town, one of my favorite writing community sites. I would have linked but I am not sure how to link a specific post for those who might not be members of the site, I hope its author will forgive me posting it in its entirety here. I haven't laughed this much in a long time.
The Do It Yourself Tutorial on How to Sanitize the English Language Using Acceptable Gender Neutral Terminology by me Phillip H. Antom in corroboration with the "NEWSPEAK" Society and The New Entimology of Word Structure and Pronouncement for the Empathic Application of Multicultural Inclusivisity PREFACE: The example provided below illustrates the politically correct method to convert a commonly used, but unacceptable term - "manerism" - into the improved and more acceptably gender nuetralized derivation of this archaic word form - "organweedbody" - through the sensitive substitution of word parts which do not convey any offensively sexist intent or meaning. Chapter 1: We start with the word "mannerism", with its obviously unacceptable gender component - "man". The process of language sensitivitization begins by replacing this insipid reference to a specific sex with an acceptable, substitute syllabilization which embraces all genders, not just the male counterpart: the acceptably gender neutral word component in this case is the term "Human". Put into this context, we have transmografied "mannerism" into a more sensitized version of itself - "humannerism" - without destroying its intended meaning. This process of substitution continues until all unacceptable, insensitive, and inappropriate word parts or syllables are replaced by their appropriately correct gender neutral counterparts. Chapter 2: Closer scrutiny reveals that "humannerism" also carries its own sexist connotation via the reviled gender component "man" in its second sylable. Our first transformation is therefore politically unacceptable for proper sensitivity in the more empathic pronouncement of English language terms. To avoid the tautology posed by a second substitution of "human" in the context of sensitivitization, we must seek out another replacement which conveys a similar, but more gender neutral intent. The word "person" is the proper candidate for usage here, yielding a second derivation for our example word in the form of "hupersonnerism". Chapter 3: One would assume that the process of word sensitivitization would be complete with this second derivative. It is not. Albeit, a more subtle form of gender connotation, the unacceptable word component "son" in "hupersonnerism" must be corrected to a more properly gender neutral term, as well. Since "child" conveys a universally non-gender specific meaning within the basic context of the "son" syllable, it is the proper choice for our third derivation of word sensitivity transmografication as pertains to the original, gender based word "mannerism". Our correctly sensitized version of "mannerism" now becomes "huperchildnerism". Chapter 4: However, we have not yet absolved our derivative word from the unforgivable sin of gender specific syllabilization or word parts borrowed from other world languages. In particular, the English translation of the German pronoun "er" is quite gender specific, if not openly and tutonically sexist - "he". Proper non- specific gender empathy demands that we eliminate all universal hints of language sexism in the evolving sensitivity of our derivative word. A selection is readily available in the German pronoun "es", meaning "it". A more universally acceptable language substitution thus being made, "huperchildnerism" sensitively evolves into the more wholistically gender neutral word form - "hupeschildnesism". Chapter 5: It stands as axiomatic in the process of language sensitivitization that, whenever one acceptable correction is made to one sylable or word part in any politically incorrect word construction, another problem is likely to arise. "hupeschildnesism" is no exception, since the syllable "schi" has the phonetic potential for pronouncement as another gender specific pronoun "she". As with "man", "son", and "er", "hupeschildnesism" is not an acceptably gender neutral derivation of "mannerism", either. In this case, we shall replace the "she" sounding syllable with its more neutral English language counterpart "it", thus leaving us with "hupeitldnesism" as our resulting derivative of the politically incorrect word form - "mannerism". Chapter 6: Even so, we are still not totally language sensitized with this derivation of "mannerism". Far be it from politically correct NEWSPEAKers in their haute couture of flannel shirt and burkenstock chic to employ any word component in our acceptably sensitized lexicon of sanitized terminology which may be offensive to anyone on the planet. "Hupeitldnesism" illustrates this possibility quite rhetorically by virtue of its word component "pei", which active verb connotation may phonically offend the more cloistered polite circles of a global multicultural society. A quick reference to our compendium of medical terms reveals a neutralized substitute that can be safely and inoffensively applied to this situation. The acceptable process of word component substitution has therefore generated our next derivation in the process of language sensitivity - "huexcretetldnesism". Chapter 7: As of yet, this derivation of "mannerism" is not completely devoid of insensitive word components, because it contains a reference to an ethnic place of origin - "Crete". To maintain any such references to place-specific ethnicity or national origins is not only improper, it presents a fundamental challenge to the precept of politically correct sensitivity we are endeavoring to achieve through the purposeful applilcation of NEWSPEAK reeducation. On this basis alone, it is imperative that we act affirmatively to enfranchise all ethnic groups or nationalities via the process of language sensitivitization in order to avoid any misguided inference that our next derivation of the word "mannerism" condones the discriminatory practice of favoring one place of origin over another. Thus, the politically correct and most universally acceptable substition in this instance would have to be the word "country" in lieu of the embedded word part "Crete". What derives from this exercise in reeducative language propriety is a properly resensitized version that retains its connection to a place of origin without any allusion to ethnicity or nationality - "huexcountrytldnesism". Chapter 8: However legitimate this last word substitution appears at first glance, it is not itself acceptably sanitized of improper sylabilization, yet alone sensitized to the most prevalent by- product of new millennium world history, e.g. the transferance of sovereign authority from diefied kingships to the self evident rule of the common people, which in turn surrenders its constitutional birthright to those governmental authorities empowered through the collective will of the allegedly elected. Likewise, the word part "count", being a royal title, is a virtual anachronism for these modern times and must be replaced with a term that is more attuned to modern sociopolitical thought. Although it can be argued to the contrary, the best substitute for the purpose of universal language sensitivity is "congress". With "congress" meaningfully interdicted to its rightful and appropriate sylabic place, language sensitivity is now judiciaously applied to our next politically correct generation of the word "mannerism" - "huexcongressrytldnesism". Chapter 9: Realizing that an important objective of NEWSPEAK reeducation is not to be judgemental or disparraging in our daily use of the English language, proper word acceptability must be evidenced in all selections for a word part replacement so that acceptable levels of universal sensitivity can fortify the dignity and character of those prone to antisocial behavior, as well. In this regard, retention of the word part "excon" will only serve to subvert this laudable objective and will only perpetuate stereotypical labels for these unfortunate victims of western civilization's historically noninclusive socio-economic system. A more politically appropriate substitution comes in the word "repatriated", which confers the positive imagry we unquestionably wish to promote for enhancing the self esteme of individuals with potentially low self esteme, especially for those who have or are paying their debit to society no matter how many times that installment has been overdue. What evovles through the edification of these principles in our NEWSPEAK derivation of "mannerism" is "hurepatriatedgressrytldnesism". Chapter 10: For reasons alluded to already, ethnic names also constitute an unacceptable predisposition for favoratism at best and prejudicial intent at worst. Such syllabilization therefore has no place in our sensitively sanitized derivation of "mannerism". Although it may be a unisex appellation, we must reluctantly eliminate the syllable "pat" on this basis and substitute the acceptably gender neutral descriptive term "name". This ultimately yields the acceptably reeducated terminology "hurenameriatedgressrytldnesism", wherein the equally repugnant gener component "rena" must likewise be replaced, yielding yet another achievement in language sentitivitization - "hunamemeriatedgressrytldnesism". Chapter 11: As with royalty, titles of distinguished achievement or selective honor which cannot be achieved by everyone are an especial taboo if we are to aspire to the lowest common denominator in the politically acceptable process of language sensitivitization. Since the word part "emer" (an abreviated form of "emeritus") is an exlusive rank of ordination reserved to a privileged circle of intellegencia and since this honor is never conferred upon any intellectually subordinate levels of common society, it, too, falls to the rules of compulsary elimination for the purpose of corrective sensitivity. The logic of semantics dictates a choice that would be an abbreviated counterpart for "emer", in this case "ret", meaning "retired". So our next derivation of "mannerism" is now the more politically acceptable - "hunamretiatedgressrytldnesism". Chapter 12: Intentional or not, references which infer a predisposition to ethnic traits or characteristics serve only one purpose - to target a group for insult and mockery so that its individual members can be deemed deserving of all the misfortune or travail which befalls them. Disparaging epithets based on national origins are particularly inappropriate - as in "Hun". They always represent a disrespectful attitude towards the acknowledged advantages of every urbane lifestyle made possible by our pluraistic society. There is no basis in fact to perpetuate the stereotype imagry or racial profiling conveyed by any improprietous component of our NEWSPEAKING derivative word. As luck would have it, there are several suitable replacements, but only one - "nomad" - seems apropo to the acceptable process of language sensitivitization by substitution. Such an improvement provides for the next NEWSPEAK generation of "mannerism", that being "nomadamretiatedgressrytldnesism". Chapter 13: Properly placed sensitivity requires that we eliminate all connotations to illicit practices and immoral behavior in order to police the innocence of the sheltered mind or to uphold in our multicultural mindset a pristine resolve, as historically demonstrated by the incorrupt modesty of premodern times. Too many respectable terms of a bygone era have fallen to some subversive form of retranslation, thereby perverting their original meaning. The term "madam" suffers terribly from its modern annexation into a dual meaning of honor or inuendo. Yet, it is just one example of the philological shizophrenia so readily contained in the every-day English of modern society. The remedy, however, is easy and right in line with our goal of politically correct language sensitivitization - to form yet another derivative that will eliminate any prospect of an unintended meaning. By replacing "madam" with a more globally accepted neutral term that does not evoke any sexist characterization of chattel, as in "ms". This being done, "mannerism" now becomes "nomsretiatedgressrytldnesism". end part one out.